Hi there. I’m Tammy Lenski, a conflict resolution speaker, author, educator and mediator.

I work in the conflict resolution field, he’s a political science professor. I’m from New York, he’s from the Midwest. I’m given to gesticulating wildly, he keeps his body fairly still (sometimes I say, hello, anyone alive in there?). I tend toward the overstated, he toward the under. We both love animals, hiking, the outdoors. He’s happier where concrete is visible, I where I can’t see neighbors at all.

2009 marked 20 years together. Twenty joyful years of compatibility and incompatibility, laughter (much, much laughter) and tears, good news and sorrowful moments, many changes in our lives. And 20 years of a bit of garbage that’s crept in, inevitably.

After a disagreement one night, I sat in the living room, and thought to myself, That argument happened because I’m carrying around all sorts of judgments and beliefs about him, and he’s doing the same about me. Our own certainty got in the way.

And I began to wonder. Wonder if it’s possible to make the decision to let go of a bunch of beliefs and start some things over after 20 years. Wonder if it’s possible to reboot our relationship, keeping the stuff we love and letting go of the stuff that gets in the way. The mediator in me hopes it’s possible, but I don’t know yet.

So I proposed an experiment: The Year 20 Reboot. He agreed, though cautiously and with some consternation that people will think the desire to reboot means we’re less happy than we are. I assured him people will understand that the fact we’re talking about this at all means there’s a healthy, happy foundation under our feet (don’t prove me wrong and get all judgmental on me, people).

This chronicle is about our experiment. My views of it, anyway. If he wants to share his, he’ll have to get his own blog. Or maybe I’ll be nice and let him chime in here if he ever wants to.